“I wish you to be blessed by good person who would love you unconditionally “he said, he slept in deep sleep, and may not see the dusk of tomorrow, perhaps, he disappeared and would never return. He would now never run his fingers through her hair which he loved to do the most, never shared his paper chats in the class, never cry to her when he fights with his brother and call her with different nick names then.
That was the reality, indeed the harsh reality which was hard to tolerate.
She held his death body onto her remorseful face and felt the cold blood, she was then sunk and melted into her teary grievousness. She could feel a lump in her throat threatened to choke her, where she collapsed watching his closed eyes on her lap.
She would never argue him about who was supposed to hung up the calls every night and wake him up early, never laugh with him in the street till her stomach ache, never cry to him when she got frustrated from a hard assignment and just needed a hug with supportive words. He left a bundle of memories and beautiful advice to move on.
She questioned to herself,” Why am I hurt? Why? She had no idea. Maybe she never imagined it could be so hurtful?
After all these years of separation, still she finds him in her diaries, feels him in streets they walked holding each other’s hand and contemplates in the colors of Holi.
What was more painful? Good memories or separation. Unanswered questions were finally answered, it was none of it. She had to love herself more than she had ever thought, she needed herself more than anyone else and she had to realize, the good person he wished for her to love unconditionally is herself before anyone else.